Strength for the short-term survival. Flexibility for long-term flourish.
To encourage each other in difficult times we often say to each other “Be strong”.
Don’t you?
But what is your definition of “strong”?
Cats. They sneak into our homes. They take over our lives. They steal our hearts and then break it to pieces when they get sick and die. And we barely ever complain about it. They don’t have to lift a paw and we already fall for them. That’s love. Real conquest. No strength is necessary. Just the flexible and honest connections.
And why “being strong” is what we need most to survive?
Why don’t we encourage each other to “Be flexible”, “Be adaptable”, “Be kind”, or “Collaborate” be flexible or “Have humor” to overcome adversities?
I guess is that the image you’d conjure when you hear the word “strong” is the image of a lion. For thousands of years, lions have been the epitome of strength, courage and power across cultures that have encountered these magnificent animals. The evoked strength in humans because it took tremendous force to bring down a lion with your bare hands. Herakle’s first assignment was to kill the lion of Nemea to prove his strength and therefore legitimacy, and when he did kill the magnificent animal, he wore its skin because it rendered him invulnerability. Strength and invulnerability – aren’t they the greatest strengths we associate to men?
And to my knowledge, lions used to inhabit most of Europe, Africa, and Asia. Lions evoked admiration and fear from people. Killing and having a lion as trophy was the pure sign of legitimacy to power and control over the community of ordinary, small and weak people. Lions are the emblems of rulers, of mighty kings.
And what did this admiration do to lions?
It drove them extinct in most places and still poses a threat to the survival of the rest.
Strength is a tricky thing.
It attracts admiration but also challenge from those who want to show that they are better, stronger, worthier.
We live in the kind of civilization that puts all its emphasis on “might makes right”, on “strength above all” and wipes off the face of the earth everything that stands in its way.
With our “civilized” hunger for power and control above all has rendered us insensitive to the needs of fellow inhabitants of this unique planet, such as other animals and plants. We have no respect for anything that is not “strong”, meaning things that can’t fight back to us.
Strength may give you a sense of immunity, invulnerability, but it also isolates you from others who either admire you for your independence and super-human strength, thinking you are capable of withstanding anything or fear your power.
Where are the perspectives of the civilizations that lived before the expansion of the “strong” European expansion? The ones that considered the Earth and all its inhabitants as guides, teachers, and fellow travelers? Civilizations that looked at the Earth, the lakes and rivers, the Moon and the Sun not as objects to be utilized, exploited, and explored for what they can give us but as relatives and ancestors to respect, admire, and collaborate with?
My emblem of strength is the cat.
Cats are adaptable, flexible, and can gently coexist with a much larger, more powerful, and self-absorbed species: humans. They have tamed those of us who live with them. Cats sneak into our hearts and control us from the inside out. Gently though. Their cuteness softens our hearts.
I am yet to find a scientist who’d explain to me how cats have domesticated people.
Anyone who lives with a cat knows that people do not own cats; cats own people. They train us to accept their personality, their needs, without any resistance.
They help us accept the fact that Jesus could not teach us for thousands of years: that we have nothing in our hands; that we have no might and power. And yet, we are just as good as if we were big, strong and powerful.
Cats have taught me humility above all; complete acceptance and safety in capitulating in the face of the unchangeable fact of life: that everything surrenders to passing, temporality and death. And I believe that once we can overcome the fear of death, the only fear we have, then we can truly “rule” our own universe.
By “rule” I mean that we can truly enjoy or own what we have and not feel controlled by fear of losing it. When we overcome our fear of death which controls us like puppets from the day we were born, we can truly be present.
“Losing” is not when someone takes something away from us: you can’t take away someone’s dignity, respect, and sense of connection by force.
We lose when we choose to give these up voluntarily by not tending to our relationships, not believing in and nurturing them, and by turning our attention away from what really matters to us. We do so only because we are afraid of pain and dying.
Accepting responsibility for our lives is not the same as blaming.
Would making peace with our mortality allow us to live with less anxiety, depression, or anger and be more present
Let a cat teach you how to give up, give in, and accept the unchangeable and the unavoidable.
If the movie about Gandhi (1982, with Sir Ben Kingsley) is any true, he gave us a sure way out of hell: accept a child with a completely different faith than your own in your household, under your roof, and raise them according to their own faith, not yours. That’s what cats do to us, too. We surrender our righteousness.
What is your emblem of “strength”?
Related recommendation of movies: the beautiful documentary of “The First Footprints: The Original Pioneers of All Humankind” (2013) in which White European scientific archeology surrenders to the wisdom, “the Law”, of the Australian Aboriginies in order to understand early civilizations. I think this shows a different way of learning about our past. Instead of digging things up and wanting to see everything with our own eyes, analyzing things by reducing them to statistical data, people leave the earth intact and they listen to the stories of the Ancestors instead. There is a lot we don’t know and cannot control but we can learn if we only be quiet, surrender, and listen with curiosity and respect.
Discover Strength in Being Yourself
True strength isn't always about being fearless or in control. Sometimes, it's found in learning to adapt, embrace vulnerability, and accept what we cannot change. Through individual therapy, you can explore the beliefs and fears that may be holding you back, develop greater self-awareness, and discover healthier ways to navigate life's challenges. Reach out today to explore how therapy can help you build resilience, find balance, and live with greater confidence and authenticity.
I’d love to hear what you’re thinking about these topics. If you have questions or would like to discuss something you’ve read, please get in touch.
This article is an update of a blog that was originally published on https://majapsychotherapy.com
Marianna Jakucska is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Sacramento, CA. She does psychotherapy online across California, in a setting that is variably called telehealth, video therapy or therapy-over-the-internet. She specializes in collaborative working with highly perceptive/sensitive people, the creative and the “misfit” to assist them in building a fulfilling life. Her clinical focus is on developmental trauma, depression, anxiety, cultural adjustment, and people single over 30; CBT, DBT, Existential and Eclectic approaches. She is bilingual in Hungarian and brings a broad cultural perspective into her therapeutic work. She is supportive of the LGBTQ Community and people who are seeking spiritual as well as mundane meaning to their life.